what will it be like?

I am separated and in the process of a divorce. R is too. We started this blog when we began our affair. Neither of us believed that the word “affair” quite fit our situation. To us, an affair is when a man or woman has sex with someone other than their spouse, then returns home to their spouse and continues to be married to that person, in all ways including physical.

But for us, we had both left our marriages sexually and emotionally, just biding our time until we could leave our marriages legally as well, when we set out separately to find something more. What we found was “us”.

Don’t get me wrong here. Neither of us our leaving our spouses to be with one another. Actually, this “affair” or at least the level it has grown to, was an accident. We both tried not to have feelings for one another, but it just happened. The truth for me is that I am so thankful that I have R in my life, especially right now. He is going through this at the same time I am going through it and no one understands better than him.

He listens and is empathetic but rarely gives advice. I try and do the same. He is more than the person I have the most amazing sex with. He is more than an affair. He is my friend. This is evident in our last meeting together.

I had spent the day with what I now call my ex-husband because even though he is still legally my husband, there is nothing left of our marriage except the legal crap.  Anyways, I was packing up some things and we went to see an attorney. This of course, went badly, and we ended up fighting and arguing until I was so angry and frustrated I went straight to the bar where I was to meet R hours later.

When he came, early I might add (love that about him), he ordered himself a drink and one of the first things he said was “okay, tell me about it”. So I did. I told him about my frustrations and anger and everything I had been through that day. 

Once I was through talking and the alcohol had finally started to melt my stress, we continued on into the night sitting close at the bar, kissing frequently, and well, flirting. There is a female waitress there whom I have a little thing for. Little as in, if I ever chose to be with a woman, it would be her. He knows this. He seems to like this and has commented on my good taste. She comes and chats with me whenever I am there. I see flashes of something on his face and I can’t tell if it’s jealousy, annoyance, or what. He says it is envy. Hmmm… I don’t know.

Anyways, throughout the night are kisses aren’t pecks anymore. They are starting to last longer every time and his hand keeps finding their way between my legs. I was wearing pants but was commando underneath. I kept suggesting that we go get a room, but we both knew this couldn’t happen.

R had injured his back a week ago and it was still bothering him. Thrusting his hips while he pounded inside of me probably wouldn’t be helpful to his back. We talked a little about road head, it’s not my preference, but I can’t always have what I want. I love giving him head, it’s just that I prefer being naked with him and giving him head as he is naked in front of me and finishes while inside of my pussy.

A few hours had passed. I am certain that others were annoyed by our behavior. For the most part, I never care, fuck them. But we weren’t just anywhere. We were at MY bar. The bar I hang out in. The one where everyone knows my name, my business, etc. I imagine I will be teased for my very public affection, as I would tease others, but with R, I just can’t help myself. I want to be kissing him, touching him, and staring into his eyes all of the time, regardless of who is around.  So let them tease me, it would take a lot more than a bit of teasing to make the smile on my face disappear.

He suggested “our place” after a while and I gladly accepted the invitation. I really wanted him inside of me. I needed him inside of me. I couldn’t wait to be naked with him.

I stripped out of my clothing almost immediately, not waiting for him to tell me to do so, then began working on his clothes as he came near. I had been drinking and so my inhibitions were completely gone. Seconds later I dropped to my knees thrilled that he wasn’t fully hard yet so that I could make him get hard with the stroke of my mouth.

I sucked him vigorously and deeply for only a short time before he moved me to the counter and entered me. It had been at least a week and a half since he had made me come and longer since his cock had been inside me so I felt every inch of his cock as it filled me.

The sensations that coursed through me were intense. Every part of my body that was touching him tingled and  my pussy clenched around his cock. My hips rose from the counter to meet him, my hands groped at his body, my lips searched for his, while my body orgasmed again and again.

Every new position, seemed to cause more waves of pleasure to surge through my body. I just kept saying “I love your cock” and “this feels so good” because IT DID FEEL SO GOOD!  There was never a moment where it was mediocre, never a time when I was thinking that another position might be better, in fact there was rarely a time that I wasn’t cuming.  Each thrust of his cock met my eager pussy. Each time his lips would search for mine he would fine mine lips just waiting for his.

It became extremely intense when he climbed on top of me on the table and my legs wrapped around his waist, my hands grabbed his hair, and we kissed passionately in between moans as we came loudly and passionately wrapped in the other’s arms.

Sometimes I wonder what it will be like when it’s not an affair anymore. When we don’t have to hide our relationship. When we can fuck in my bed or his. I get tired of hiding. But I also get a little scared when I think about what it will be like when we don’t have to hide anymore.

~ by bcwewantto on November 22, 2009.

One Response to “what will it be like?”

  1. Greg and I have been friends since we were children. I started my blog back in June, well after we’d both left our respective spouses, but had yet to divorce, and were living in separate states, 6 hours apart. I blogged to stay close to him during the long-distance part of our relationship.

    I keep blogging because we have such a unique situation, and I’m anxious to see how our experiences shape our growth as a couple and how our relationship is effected by the core belief system and values we bring to the table.

    It seems that blogging is a good way to hash out all the details and emotions in the complexities of our unusual relationships, no?

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